So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
