The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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