What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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