he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
