I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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