bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
