but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
