I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
