are you so shy because you have an std?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
How does it feel to date your dad?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
