i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
