At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
