I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
