it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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