I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
