My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
