Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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