So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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