pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
