You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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