So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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