Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
