I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
