I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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