I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
