Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
