Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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