Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
