I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i may or may not be watching the land before time
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
