I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
