I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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