Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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