i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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