I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The best revenge is premature balding
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
