Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
