I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
