I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
