just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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