I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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