I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He did a backflip because drugs
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
