Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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