i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
