Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
