I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
