The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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