just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
