She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
