I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
