We won't sleep together?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
it was like eating out sand paper
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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