Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(424): View more from California

It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.

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(316): View more from Kansas

Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range

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(217): View more from Illinois

Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?

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(407): View more from Florida

You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.

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(571): View more from Virginia

Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."

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(248): View more from Michigan

I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers

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(601): View more from Mississippi

So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?

(1-601): View more from Mississippi

Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.

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