you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
