I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
