Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he shaved USA in his pubs
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
